Beginning a Practice of Self-Empathy Journaling
Introduction
Self empathy is a powerful process that can help unblock something that feels ‘stuck’ in your life. It can help you discover the quieter voices of your deeper needs amongst the ‘noise’ of strong feelings and crowded thoughts that circle round and round. This process is based on Marshall Rosenberg’s body of work called Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
Getting Started
Please choose and download a worksheet. If you are not sure, I suggest you try both to find out which you prefer.
If you like a more linear way of working, choose this sheet (instructions included):
If your style is more illustrative, choose the illustration and then download the instructions
You may also like to download the feelings and needs lists to guide you.
Using the feelings and needs lists
Developing your literacy in feelings and needs language takes time, especially if you are not used to naming them - or are used to confusing your thoughts and feelings as being the same. A great way to become more fluent is to make a regular practice of self-empathy journaling.
Please note: the lists are not definitive.
Feelings: If a feeling you identify is not listed, write it down anyway. Hopefully, looking at the feelings list will help you reflect on whether your feeling is actually two or more elements bound up together (in which case separate them out). Here are a couple of examples: ‘I feel disrespected’ might be ‘I feel angry and I have a need for respect’; ‘I feel neglected’, could be ‘I feel sad and alone, I am telling myself that s/he is neglecting me and I am needing companionship’.
Needs: If a need you identify is not listed it could be a strategy to meet a need. If this is a case, it is useful to drop a little deeper to find the universal need. To do this, look at the need that you identify and ask yourself ‘is this a need that everyone could have?’ Here are a couple of examples: ‘I need Jo to respect me’ is not something everyone needs whereas ‘I need respect’ could be. ‘I need her to see how much I do for her’ is not something everyone needs whereas ‘I need appreciation’ could be.
Do you need help?
If you are new to NVC, each step can have its own pitfalls if you don’t fully understand them. If you would like a session or more with me to help you with your first worksheets, please contact me. I can offer this online by phone or video call (Zoom).